(November 4, 2019)

Today as I was doing my morning scroll through cute puppy videos, recipes and drunken frat boy fails, AKA my type of “news” early in the day, I landed on a breaking article regarding a racially charged act of vandalism at my alma mater ETSU.  The premise of the story, which I am sure many of you have been made aware of, is that some poorly evolved individual with too much time on their hands decided to spend their evening traipsing around campus hanging fliers.  In an effort to ease all of our Caucasian concerns, the signs that hung over the plaques dedicated to 5 people who desegregated ETSU in the 50s reassured us that “it’s ok to be white.”  God, that’s a relief. 

I try very hard not to discuss polarizing content in this column, specifically regarding politics or religion or any other hot button topics.  But I will not remain silent when it comes to basic human rights and my belief that people should not be treated any differently based on the color of their skin or their sexuality.  If you feel otherwise, probably stop reading now. 

I have the good fortune of living on this earth as a heterosexual, Caucasian, marginally attractive, female.  As hard as my journey has been considering the economic status I was raised in, I still have quite the advantage over people of other races and sexual orientation.  While I have incurred the typical biases against women and the working class, those are pretty mild compared to the experiences of my peers of other races and sexual orientation.  I’ve never been called a slur by a stranger.  I’ve never had someone assume I’m going to steal from them based on the color of my skin.  I’ve never had people stare at me or attack me because of who I was kissing in public.  There’s never been a time I had to worry about law enforcement being anything but helpful to me.  And in 33 years on this earth, I’ve never been turned away from a job, event or social function without valid reason like being unqualified. 

We tend to assume the world is exactly the way we view it through our own eyes, when in fact, reality is an illusion and different for every single person.  You cannot look at another human and say their views aren’t valid when you have not lived the life that has shaped those opinions.  Just because being attracted to the opposite sex is what feels natural to you doesn’t mean to someone else it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again louder for anyone who still considers that sexual orientation is a choice- NO ONE would choose to be gay.  My best friend in the entire world, my brother of choosing since I was 5 years old, is homosexual.  I’ve known since the day we met in kindergarten that he was and so did he.  I’ve also watched the lifetime struggle he’s endured because of this fact.  The pain of hiding who he is to family and subsequently the pain in telling them.  The nasty remarks from strangers in the street.  The worry of being in the wrong bar at the wrong time and being attacked.  No one would ever choose to make their life and the lives of their loved ones more difficult.  Day in and day out I see people posting memes about police brutality or immigrants when you’re speaking as a white person in the south.  While there are bad apples in every bunch, it is unfair to assume ALL people of a certain minority are unsavory based off the actions of a few.  Just the same as it would be for others to assume all white men are serial killers or mass shooters because, well, most of the people in those groups are straight white men. 

I’m writing about this topic today not because I want to spark an outrage or debate.  I want to express how disgusted I am with the current social climate.  We live in a world that has never been more progressive and yet there are more racial tensions than have been seen in over half a century.  At a university that taught me so much about diversity and culture, there are still people who find it worthwhile and fulfilling to desecrate a monument to people who actually DID work hard to bring our community together.  A few years ago there was the incident with the idiot in the gorilla costume waving bananas at black men and women as well.  That kid got off basically scot free, and I wonder what the outcome would’ve been had a black man intimidated and antagonized a group of white men and women. 

There is no one on this planet who is any better or any worse than anyone else because of their race, period.  You are no better than someone else because you were afforded better opportunities and life experiences than them.  I am no bleeding heart.  I believe every person has the ability to achieve anything they want and poor circumstances shouldn’t be an excuse for poor behavior.  But I am also empathetic to those who were born “different” in some way and I recognize that without the proper support, their struggle is going to be much more difficult than mine.  I ran into a girl I went to elementary school with a few years ago while I was working with a local charity.  I was there as a mentor and she was one of the people enrolled in the program.  She approached me, as I didn’t even recognize her.  The years had not been kind, it appeared she had succumbed to drug use and had lost custody of her child.  As we were talking, me in my business dress and fresh manicure and her with her torn clothes and bags under her eyes, it occurred to me just how easily these roles could have been reversed.  This girl was the same as me in 3^rd grade.  We were both in low-income households growing up in the backwoods of the county.  But I had supportive, loving parents who enforced structure and guidance and pushed me to achieve better for myself.  Had I had the misfortune of simply being born to another family who didn’t encourage this behavior, I could have also continued the same cycle of poverty and addiction as this girl and so many others in our community.  Believe me when I say you are never as far away from hard times as you think. 

I hope this piece doesn’t incite negativity.  Instead I hope it provokes thinking and understanding and compassion.  Let’s all hate each other for real reasons, like being a cat person instead of a dog person, or for being someone who pees on the toilet seat and doesn’t wipe it.  There are much more heinous offenses than the ones we’re currently fighting over.